An Essay On: Figuring Out What It Is You *Really* Want

Since I was, I don't know, maybe 12, I've thought it would be sooo cool to be a blogger, which turned into thinking it would be cool to be an influencer (original, I know - not like every single coming of age film or rom com has journalism as the career LOL).

Before that, when I was a kid, my dream job was being a fashion designer - or a pop star. If only I could be famous! (again, not like every single tween girl Disney movie is about becoming a pop star - crazy how much media can inspire us!)

I've gone super back and forth and had so many phases of what I've wanted to do with my life... Most of them being either creative or entrepreneurial and including being famous or influential.

As I learn more and more about influencer and celebrity culture, I've done a double take. Is putting myself out there on the internet (in any capacity) really what I want to do? When it comes to the internet, I'm basically a nobody and I've still had my fair share of annoying scams or rude comments. I don't think I could handle any more people knowing who I am!

But the shininess of being some form of content creator is always in the back of my mind. (Even though I've tried posting content before several times and I got bored (LOL!) and impatient! Been there done that, so why do I think I want to do it?!? haha)

I decided to think more about what it is that I really wanted.

Because, I feel like I want their dreamy lives. But I know it comes with parts I don't want, like always having to be filming, lack of privacy, and honestly, I don't even think I have what it takes to ever 'blow up' or be more than a normal girl.

So when I backed up to think about what I realllllly wanted, I realized I loved seeing all the activities influencers do.

You don't have to be an influencer to go to pretty locations or host fancy parties.

I loved seeing all their fun food and stylish clothes.

You don't have to be an influencer to eat good food or to find your style.

I loved seeing their bright photos from trips or DIY projects...

You get the idea.

I know I'm not alone in a piece of me wanting a part of this life. But taking a step back helped me realize that it's not the fame that I want - it's a life full of experiencing it all.

Since realizing this, one of my goals has been to create more, to make space for the fun things in life.

Maybe I'll put my foot in my mouth (I won't ever completely stop hoping for some kind of creative, public facing role) with this blog post, but it's so fun and freeing to realize what I truly want.

I think with a lot of our goals and dreams, our real goal is actually something much simpler. We want things because it means other parts of our live must be going well too.

Taking a step back and slowing down is NOT in my nature, but as I reflect more on what is truly important and what I actually want in life, I'm realizing we (I) overcomplicate it all so easily. It's cheesy but it's true!! And I hope you figure out what's important to you too <3